I've had something weighing on my mind lately, maybe it's the hours of scrubbing my old house floors or hours of painting alone with my thoughts that initiated this, but I've come to realize that I have to say good-bye to my cello. As you knew already I picked up a Cello in hopes to learn to play the instrument. I did learn how to play it all by myself...how well? Eh, let's just say there's some things that you just need a teacher to help with. I had an excellent book and play along cd rom that would actually tell me what notes I hit or missed which made it so fun to play along with. I enjoyed the challenge so much!! BUT...I have come to realize (along with most projects I take on) that my time if very limited. Something always suffers whether it's the laundry, time with my family, lack of time to go running (my other love), cooking dinner, just plain ol' things that keep a home running.
Right now I spend every moment during the day that I can over at our old house trying to spruce things up (which I'm just a few days shy in completing). My four small children are dying for my attention, my new house is needing some decorating but more importantly CLEANING, and last but not least my husband needs a wife who's not stressed. I did feel a stress relief when I played the cello, but then I would stop and look around my room at all of the piles here and there that need to be taken care of and that's when the feelings of being overwhelmed would come.
As much as it pains me to do I've decided to return my rental cello and put this dream on hold for now. I know this sounds silly to anyone reading this, but to be honest I'm feeling pretty down about the whole thing. You see, I want so bad to find something that I'm really good at...something that when someone hears or sees it, it will inspire or move them in a meaningful way. I was hoping the cello was my big break. I just have no time to pursue it. Maybe this experience has just reminded me about what my real purpose is. My children are who I can inspire and motivate just by being "in" my child's lives and not going through the motions and that time is ever fleeting. Sometimes you just have to look at yourself and ask, "what the heck are you doing with the time you have?" I've had home improvement so much on my mind that I've forgotten how to fully engage in my child's mind/world and what activites I used to do to have fun and feel close to them. It's just been a challenging few months and I'm venting/repenting. I'll still have my hobbies and dreams, but for now I'm going to live my first and most important dream of being a wife and mother. If I'm doing that right then that's where I'll have true happiness. So, I'm playing the D string. D for Dream. It'll remind me that I'm living my dream already.
4 comments:
I'm sure this was a tough decision Joyce, but I'm sure you'll feel the rewards and blessings soon. Especially when you're done with home improvements!
Sorry you had to give it up. When your an empty neater you will have all the time you want for yourself and your hobbies. Stick with it. Soon your kids will be all grown and you'll wish that you had more time. :)
I think you should still find something that keeps YOU motivated and happy. If you find something that gives you joy and helps relieve the stress of the day to day tasks of raising kids and keeping house you will be a happier person. Don't forget that it IS important for you to take some time for yourself every now and then. Your kids can't drink from an empty well. I bet when you are done working your butt off at the old house things will feel differently. You have been doing twice the work. Jesse has a hobby (car) that takes a lot of time and its makes him happier. It's not gonna hurt for you to have a creative outlet every now and then as well. :)
You are a great mother and a better wife than Jesse ever "dreamed" of, not to mention the extra bonus of bring a wonderful daughter in law, what else is there? We all love you "just the way you are".
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